final steps...

i dunno why i keep posting bout this, but somehow at this stage, it just seems necessary... you know, like it's "the thing to do"...

anyway, i'm talking bout me being in my final semester, sitting for my "final" final exams...

right at this moment, it's two down and one to go... =)

so it's just one more paper, one more presentation and one more thesis - all to be completed by the 30th of April which gives me about 3 weeks... after that, i'm done!

and you know what? at this very moment, as i'm typing away at my computer, i dun really want to be done. i don't. why?

that's a good question and i dun really have the answer. i guess the closest i could think of is - i'm afraid. truly frightened. afraid of the fact i'm leaving the security of being a student... afraid of taking up my first full time job... afraid of facing the harsh world out there... afraid of acknowledging the realities of life...

i've always not dealt with uncertainties well... just dun have the confidence or the courage to do so... every time i have a situation to face, i will have all the possibilities figured out... although i can't cover all possibilities to every event in my life, but i've done pretty much alright... you won't believe the kind of things that i imagine in my head all the time... and i'll always have the solution to every possibility... well, almost every possibility... there is always a chance where something comes and hits you from behind and just knocks you unconscious...

anyway, what i'm trying to say, i guess, is that i don't know wat to expect after this three weeks. i know my life will change. but i don't know how and i can't even tell the magnitude of the change. and this is bothering me. i guess 17 years in the education system has made me comfortable. and i dun want to leave this comfort zone. not now. not yet.